How to Find a Good Mentor

What Good Mentorship Actually Looks Like

Everyone needs a good mentor at some point in their lives; undergraduates often find themselves in the mentee role, seeking guidance from a professor, advisor, alum, or upper-level undergrads. A good mentor offers sound guidance, support, access, and help. Mentors are not task managers or problem solvers. It’s important to find someone to work with you, but as a mentee, you need to ensure you do not cross boundaries.  A good mentor doesn’t need a PhD or a ton of connections; it’s about the right fit, trust, and communication. As a college student of any level, seeking out a mentor can seem daunting, but it’s okay to seek someone out. People in academia want to help unless you send 10+ emails with no real ask; it’s not a bother.

What should you look for in a mentor? Find someone who wants to work with you and is willing to show up. You may have a favorite professor, but they may have 4 doctoral students, with three trying to finish that semester. Sadly, they may not have time for you. That’s not on you; they have busy schedules, so stop by their office hours occasionally for advice. Look for someone who responds to emails, follows through, and remembers your goals. A good mentor will ask questions about your interests, challenges, and aspirations. They may ask more questions that lead to solutions. They guide your thinking rather than telling you what to do. “If I were you” is another way of saying I’m going to make this about me and what I would do in your shoes more than it is about you. Look for honesty, and sometimes it can hurt. It’s meant to be supportive. There is a fine line here. Know that honesty comes from the heart and experience. They should help you grow; if that means you realize you want to be a researcher, not a doctor, that’s a good thing. Ensure they don’t push you toward a path that isn’t right for you. If they suggest that you switch to research, consider why they are saying this. They recognize your background, constraints, and ambitions. Remember, they are human too; they can’t replace a parent, sibling, or your favorite high school teacher.

What does this really look like? It means short check-ins every few weeks or once a month. It can also mean check-ins via email. It should be about conversations that help you reflect, plan, and adjust. That doesn’t always have to happen in person.  A mentor will challenge you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots (things you may never have considered). Sometimes, mentors point you toward resources, internships, or research. They may not know every person doing research or creating art, but they should encourage you to find what you need. This may lead to your next chat. A healthy mentorship is also about respecting their time, your time, and your goals. It’s about collaborating. Mentorship develops over time, and you can have more than one mentor! When I decided to write this post, I planned a whole section on what a mentor is not, but I found a great post online, and it’s perfect! Let’s talk about the steps to finding a mentor rather than me trying to rehash it.

1. Start with people you know. This could be a professor you like, an advisor who’s helped you before, a friendly staff member, or another student. Most universities have a mentor match program that pairs upper-level students with first-years.
2. Reach out. Attend office hours, email the advisor or staffer, or sign up for a mentor. Following through might be hard, but it’s worth it.
3. Ask for small things first. Asking someone to help design your life is a big ask and might get a no. Ask about a paper, a paper idea, advice on a course, or how to do x.
4. Listen and watch. Did they respond to your question? Did they give you feedback on the paper or course? If their answer doesn’t match your question, they may not be the right person for you.
5. Make the ask! Did they help or encourage you? Perfect. Follow up and ask if they have time to mentor you.

As I wrote this, I realized it’s been ages since I caught up with my PhD advisor and mentor. I really miss those conversations, most of which were on Teams or in her office. It’s funny how a quick note or a coffee can keep those connections alive. Wishing you the best as you find your mentor.